


A little bit lost

by Ultimately_Vibing



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: Amnesia, M/M, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:29:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23530858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ultimately_Vibing/pseuds/Ultimately_Vibing
Summary: Jay wakes up to realise he’s had his memories of the past two years wiped from his brain.Inspired by my amnesia one shot in my prompt marathon fic
Relationships: Cole/Jay Walker
Comments: 23
Kudos: 64





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Lmk if i should keep goin

Jay doesn’t wake up in his bed. He can tell just by gazing at the bright white ceiling, because last time he checked, his room on the Bounty was most definitely brown.  
A soft beeping beside him, Jay sits up, and sends a wave of pain through him, his head spinning like there’s no tomorrow.  
He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to recollect where he could be.  
The last thing he remembers is going to bed angry, due to another fight with Cole over Nya.  
Hmm. Maybe he was kidnapped in his sleep.  
The beeps weren’t helping his concentration.  
Chancing another look around, praying it doesn’t affect his dizzy head, Jay finds the source of the beeps. A hospital monitor. Was he injured?  
How did that happen?  
There was a bouquet of flowers too, mostly primulas, his favourite, resting on the bed stand.  
He heard a voice, and stilled to listen in, tuning out the beeps as best as he could.  
“He’ll be awake any time soon, he’s stabilising more and more by the day.” The voice is calm, collected, and definitely Zane’s.  
There’s a pause, and Jay can’t hear a reply, before Zane starts talking again.  
“I’m telling you, you need to take a few deep breaths. He’s going to be okay. I’ll give it another two weeks before I start to worry.”  
Another pause.  
“I’m about to check up on him now. I’ll call you back with the results.”  
Zane walks into the bright room, and Jay freezes, unsure what to do.  
Zane hesitates, and Jay can practically hear his gears whirring as he processes, before the nindroid smiles.  
“Hello Jay. Feeling well?”  
“Uh, I’m a lil dizzy but other than that, everything’s good. You?”  
“Relieved. You’ve had us worried Jay.”  
“What happened?”  
“You don’t remember? You were knocked out on the battlefield after shielding a civilian from a bomb. A large chunk of shrapnel impaled you, and and you suffered quite the hit to the head.” Zane smiles. “Of course, I knew you’d recover just fine. Your vitals were in critical condition, but a lot better than they could’ve been.”  
“Huh. Okay. Where am I?”  
“Our medical bay. You don’t recall?”  
“Mm, not really.” Jay decides now is the perfect time to crack a joke. “Who are you?”  
Zane straightens up. “What? Jay? You’re having trouble with your memory?” The fear in his voice makes Jay cut it out immediately.  
“No, no, I’m joking. Sorry. I know who you are Zane.”  
“Just in case... what year is it?”  
“2020, duh.”  
“That’s not funny Jay. Seriously. What year is it.”  
Jay raises a brow. “I’m - are you messing with me now? It’s 2020 Zane.”  
“Jay, cut it out. I need the year.”  
“Yes. It’s 2020.” He’s getting increasingly frustrated now.  
Zane is quiet. “You promise you’re being serious?”  
“Zane, I know what fucking year it is.”  
The ice ninja sits at the foot of Jay’s bed.  
“It’s 2022.”  
Jay is silent. For a minute, anyway. Then he laughs.  
“Good one. Better than mine, I’ll give you that. Sold it way better.”  
Zane’s expression doesn’t change.  
“What’s the last thing you remember?”  
“I had a fight with Cole over Nya. He’s not with her, right? They wouldn’t get together while I’m injured, that’s rude. Right?”  
“He’s not with Nya, no.” Zane looks at him critically. “Jay. If you’re joking, you need to tell me before I contact a professional.”  
“You’re taking this 2022 thing way too far dude.”  
Zane nods once, standing. “Okay. I’ll be back in a second.”  
Jay’s smile falters. “Wait, wait. You can’t just go! You need to tell me you’re joking.”  
“It’s 2022. Jay, I need to contact someone.”  
“No, no, no, you can’t go, you - you’re not telling the truth, I’m not -”  
Zane stills. “It’s alright Jay. It’s gonna be alright.”

“A psychologist is on their way, and I’ve spoken to Cole.” Zane draws up a chair. “He’s on his way.”  
“What does Cole have to do with anything?”  
“I’m hoping he’ll trigger some memories.”  
“Well, tell him to go away. I don’t want to see him.”  
Zane is thinking for a moment, Jay can tell.  
“You’re engaged, Jay.”  
“To Nya? For real? That’s why Cole’s coming? So I can re-live rubbing it in his face?”  
“You’re engaged to Cole.”  
Jay frowns. “Uh, sorry, I think you broke. Say that again?”  
Zane sighs. “I’m sure this will come back to you once you see him.”  
“Uh, no, I cannot be engaged to Cole, because you see, I’m in love with Nya.”  
“Your wedding plans tell me otherwise.”  
“Zane, this is a real bad joke.”  
“If you’re engaged to Nya, why are you the one with the ring?”  
Jay falters, staring at his hand. Fuck. Zane had him there.  
“It just doesn’t make any sense.”  
Zane shakes his head, patting Jay’s arm gently.  
“Who’s Nya with then?”  
“No one, at the moment. She’s a lesbian though.”  
Jay squints, trying to will his memory back by blurring his eyesight.  
It doesn’t work.

“I’m here!” Cole throws the door open. Brash as always.  
“Let’s talk outside.” Zane mumbles, grabbing Cole by the arm.  
Jay listens intently, but their whispers are too quiet until Cole’s big “WHAT?” followed by a harsh “you couldn’t have told me this over the phone?”  
Cole never was very good at whispering, was he?  
The earth ninja thuds into the room then, staring at Jay, searching for some kind of reaction.  
Jay rolls his eyes, and gives a faux smile. This was all some kind of ruse. No way on Earth was he actually in a relationship with Cole. Maybe Zane was just trying to jest with him, but failed miserably.   
Yeah, that was probably it.  
“Babe?” Cole’s voice wobbles.  
Oh. Maybe not.  
Jay feels his heart pang slightly, and there’s definitely some feeling tugging at his brain, but he can’t recognise anything but confusion.  
The earth ninja’s face crumples, and he steps towards Jay like approaching a stranger.  
“Jay? This isn’t - you gotta remember our relationship, right?”  
Jay surveys Cole’s fragile body language, his shaky voice and wounded eyes. Still nothing.  
“Sorry Cole. I don’t believe that we’re engaged.”  
“Two years ago... we got together two years ago. After our shit with Nya.”  
“Well, I guess I’m stuck at the shit with Nya part.”  
Jay writhed as Cole slumps onto a seat. He didn’t like Cole being sad. It’s always been sucky to see Cole like that.  
“Nothing? Not our conversation? Not our first date?”  
“I mean, I can remember you all exist.”  
“Mm.” Cole looks at Zane. “And there’s nothing you can do?”  
“I’ve spoken to a psychologist. That’s the only thing I knew was needed.”  
Cole takes a deep breath. “Okay. Okay.” He glanced at Jay. “Just means I’ll have to court you all over again.”  
Jay shifts, uncomfortable. This wasn’t normal. None of this was normal.

Apparently he needed some therapy. That would apparently bring his memories back.  
Jay called bullshit.  
Back at the dojo, which was built like new, everyone was being weirdly nice to him, like he was fragile, or about to break.  
Kai’s smile was strained, Nya couldn’t look at him without biting her lip, Zane busied himself with cooking, Lloyd didn’t meet his eye. Wu had apologised, seeming to blame himself for somehow influencing Jay’s decision to save a bystander.  
And Cole...  
Cole was hovering. Like he was hoping Jay’s memories would swoop back at any moment, like he was willing it to happen.  
He looked like he was about to cry.  
It had Jay conflicted. Sure, maybe Cole was an absolute asshole, but the idea of him crying had Jay torn to pieces.  
He needed Cole to be okay. No matter what.  
“It’s late. You guys should get going.” Kai yawned.  
Jay blinked. “Huh? To where?”  
Kai looked away. “Oh. Yeah. You, uh...”  
“You can stay here, if you want.” Sensei continued for him.  
Jay tipped his head.  
“You can come back to our apartment if you want. But don’t worry, it’s okay if you’d rather not.” Cole went to put his hand on Jay’s shoulder, before immediately undoing his movement.  
Jay stared at him.  
This was all real. He was engaged to Cole, in the year 2022, and he shared an apartment with the guy.  
They lived together.  
“I guess I’d like to see what the apartment’s like.” Jay shrugs.  
Cole smiles a little sadly, offering his hand then removing the outstretched palm immediately.  
Jay wished he hadn’t. He was coming around to the idea of their fingers twined together.

Cole opened the car door for him. They had a car? It was a real messy one too, filled with straggler receipts and lost change.  
The drive to the apartment - their home - was quiet, until Cole put some music on.  
It was a nice instrumental, slow tempo, violin led with some other orchestration in the background.  
Jay’s convinced he can see stars, and he can feel Cole’s hand around his, but a blink shows it’s not real.  
At least, not right now. It felt a familiar scene, a memory at his fingertips.  
“We ever dance to this?”  
Cole smiles fondly. “Only when we’re outside. You tell me it’s outside music, it’s ‘illegal’ to be played inside, apparently.”  
“Mm. That sounds like me.”  
“Do you want me to sleep on the couch?”  
Jay raises a brow. “Why?”  
“We share a bed. I wasn’t sure if-”  
“It’s fine. I’ll sleep on the couch.”  
“Okay. If you’re sure.”  
“Yeah man. It’s not fair if you got a bad sleep.”  
“I haven’t been sleeping too great anyway.”  
“How come?”  
Cole hesitates. “When you spend ages sleeping next to someone, it becomes real hard to fall asleep without them.”  
Oh.  
“How long was I out?”  
“Three weeks. Which might not sound like a long time, but, uh- it was tough. That’s all.”  
“I’m sorry I don’t have my memories.”  
Cole is quiet for a moment. “Not your fault. I, uh, can talk to you about some stuff from the past if you want. I’ll do my best to recount what’s happening since the Nya argument.”  
“Mm. What month is it?”  
“April.”  
“Huh. That makes sense.”  
“Why?”  
“Not cold enough to be January.”  
Cole nods, eyes straying from the road for once second, just to look at Jay.  
“Are we in love?” Jay asks, avoiding Cole’s short lived gaze.  
“Yeah. Well, we were. I don’t know if you love me now.”  
“I don’t know either.”  
“That’s alright. We’ll figure it out.”  
“What’s our apartment like?”  
“Cozy. Warm.” Cole hesitates. “We kind of have a cake tasting appointment tomorrow. For the wedding. Not for fun. I was gonna go alone, but I can stay with you if you’d prefer.”  
“No, no, uh, you should go. I should go. It would probably bring back a few memories, right?”  
“If you’re sure. No pressure from me.”  
“I know.” Jay looks at Cole’s face. “I know.”


	2. Chapter 2

Jay feels something wash over him when he steps into the apartment.  
It’s a comfy feeling, warm and pleasant, and he automatically walks over to a chair, his chair, and based on Cole’s expression that’s definitely what he’d do normally.  
“Familiar?” The earth ninja asks, setting down his keys in a little dish.  
“Yeah. Kind of. This is my chair, I know that much.”  
“Tell me about it. Any time I even try and sit down there, you nag me.” Cole gives him a lopsided smile. “I didn’t realise how much I’d miss it until... yeah.”  
Cole walks over to a kitchen counter, opening up a cupboard.  
His shirt rises slightly, and Jay chances a peek at a chiselled body.  
That, he can definitely appreciate.  
“You want anything to eat?”  
“And trust your cooking? No thanks.”  
“Well, I can happily tell you that a few months of couple’s cooking classes have me very good at whipping up a meal, thank you very much.”  
Jay snorts. “We went to couple’s cooking classes?”  
“Kai bought me some for a passive aggressive birthday gift a while ago.”  
“Classic Kai. And, yeah, I guess I could for a lil something. What does the chef recommend?”  
“Well, you always tell me that my risotto is your favourite? If you want that.”  
Just hearing the words sent Jay into a muddled flashback, filled with comfort and joy.  
“Yeah. Risotto sounds good to me.”  
“Mind if I put some music on? Helps me concentrate more.”  
“Go for it.”  
Cole pushes play on a neat little contraption, a small block that folds out to display what song is being played.  
“That’s cool. New ‘22 invention?”  
“Huh? Oh, no. We’ve got the only one. It’s a Walker original.”  
“I made that? And it works?” Jay’s eyebrows rise.  
“Yeah. We have some other stuff you’ve made if you wanna look. I think they’re all pretty nifty.” Cole pauses. “I have some bias though. You, on the other hand, will not stop looking at your work critically.”  
Jay walks over to prod at the neat little invention.  
“But it’s so cool!”  
“That’s what I tell you. You’re a good inventor Jay. You just let all you little mishaps get to you.”  
“That’s not the first time you’ve said that, is it?”  
Jay can see Cole saying it a million time soon over, can feel his warm embrace after another failure.  
“No. It’s not.”  
Jay notices Cole’s hips sway with the rhythm of the song. It’s kinda sexy, actually.  
“So, how did we, uh, yknow, what with the whole Nya situation?”  
Cole smiles at the fond memories he’s reliving, at it makes Jay feel cold, empty, unable to share the experience.  
“Well, I figured out I was transferring all my feelings for you onto Nya after a couple of months. I wasn’t comfortable with what being attracted to you meant for me, sexuality-wise, so I tried to ignore it. We fought a lot, and I was always so confused about it. And then Nya came out as a lesbian in, uh, February, I think. And you approached me first, actually. Didn’t say anything. Just kind of held my hand. Avoiding eye contact. So I kissed you. And that’s how it started.”  
“That was our first kiss? Doesn’t sound very romantic.”  
“That’s what I say! I pretend it was after our first date. But you always tell me that it’s ‘very us’ and I should ‘appreciate it more.’” Cole grins. “Good to know 2020 you agrees with me. Cannot wait to rub it in your face once you get your memories back.”  
“Where was our first date?”  
“Eh, just in a cafe. Nothing special. We can stop by the place tomorrow if you want to. Date number four is where I pulled out all the stops. Got us seats at the fanciest restaurant in town, got flowers and everything.”  
Jay hummed, only faintly understanding what Cole was going on about.  
“You get me the flowers in the medical bay?”  
“Yeah. Kept em fresh, so that you’d wake up to a pretty view.”  
Jay hops up onto a counter, legs swinging.  
“Watch it. You’ll end up kicking me in the shin.”  
“Has it happened before?”  
“Far too often!”  
Jay smiles playfully, before deliberately aiming for Cole’s knee. The other ninja deftly avoids it, spinning around with a side step, as if treating it like a dance.  
“You professionally dance on the side now or what?”  
Cole snickers. “No. I don’t. This is reserved just for you.”  
Jay looks him up and down. Cole was actually decently attractive. And sweet.  
Okay. Maybe he was down. Nya was pretty, yeah, but he was seeing Cole in a whole other light.  
“I’m into it.”  
Cole chuckles, loud and proper. “God. Doesn’t feel like you’ve changed a bit.”  
“Am I a better dancer now? If you got good at cooking, I must have improved my skills.”  
“You’re a terrible dancer. It’s adorable.”  
“Pfft, whatever. I’ll prove you wrong right now.”  
Cole glances at the risotto in the pan.  
“You’ve got two minutes.”  
Jay jumps off the counter, grabbing Cole’s hand.  
He spins them both round, moving to dip before tripping over his feet to send them both sprawling.  
Cole’s laughing, clutching at his probably bruised side. “This is why I lead.”  
“I was trying my best!”  
“I know you were sweetheart.”  
Jay wriggles at the term of endearment. It doesn’t fit. Not yet.  
“Could, uh, we not, with the pet names? Please?”  
“Sorry! Sorry.” Cole picks himself up, before offering a hand to help Jay off the floor.  
The lightning ninja takes it.  
A timer rings out, and Cole promptly releases his hand, before dividing the risotto neatly into two bowls.  
“Voila. For you.” Cole hands Jay the purple bowl, with pretty little paint flecks all over it.  
“This is a cool bowl.”  
“Thanks! I made it for you last year.”  
“You did?”  
“Yeah. It was a Valentines gift.”  
They sit on the couch together, Jay abandoning his chair in favour of being near Cole.

They spoke for hours, Cole filling Jay in on the two years that had passed, the political climate, the team, the economy, all major events, with anecdotes about their domestic life together dotted in.  
Jay felt waves of emotional recognition, but nothing too concrete.  
He had a lot of feelings about Cole. They were murky, and confusing. He felt a flicker of anger when Cole brought up a more recent factoid about how Jay apparently cared a lot about the number of children within the adoption system.  
Cole stopped, reading Jay’s expression before sighing.  
“You remembering our fight?”  
“I remember anger.”  
“Mm. We had an argument about kids.”  
It hits Jay in a rush.  
“You don’t want them.”  
“That’s not what I said! I said I don’t think we’re quite ready.”  
“You said you’re unsure if you’ll ever be ready.”  
“I mean, yeah I did, because it’s true. But just because I won’t be ready doesn’t mean it won’t happen.”  
Jay frowns. “That’s an oxymoron.”  
“No, it’s not. I don’t have to be ready to know I will do whatever it takes to make you happy.”  
The lightning ninja blinks. That fills him with another feeling that he can’t quite pin down.  
“You never said that.”  
“I know. I didn’t get the chance. We got called to duty mid-fight. That’s when you got knocked out.” Cole fiddles with his shirt. “But hey. You’ve remembered something.”  
“The last thing we did was fight.”  
“Yeah... I was kicking myself those three weeks. I was terrified that the last thing I’d ever said to you was something that made you upset.”  
Jay’s crying, and he doesn’t quite understand why. But he does know he needs Cole to comfort him.  
“Hey there Jay-Jay. It’s alright. You’re safe. Is this about kids? Like, I’d say we can apply now but I don’t think that would be best given your current... mind. Shh. It’s okay.”  
Cole’s good at comfort, Jay realises as he quivers in the brawnier man’s arms.  
“I don’t want to be alone tonight.” Jay mumbles, because it’s true, he’s scared he’s gonna remember sad things on his own.  
“That’s okay. We can both sleep on the couch.”  
“Why would we not sleep in the bed?” Jay sobs.  
“Oh. Yeah. We can do that instead.” Cole pats Jay’s back gently.

Jay feels awkward as he looks in his - their - wardrobe. A finger running along fabric, he’s swept up in another bout of emotion.  
Glee, joy, amusement.  
Lost.  
It’s automatic, the way he leans down to pull out some pyjamas, the way he places them on the bed before retrieving some for Cole.  
He pauses. These were Cole’s right?  
“Going through the motions?” The man in question walks up behind him, taking the sleeping clothes gently.  
“I don’t know.” Jay’s throat is still a bit scratchy from all the crying, and it’s so embarrassing that Cole saw him like that, oh god, how is he supposed to look him in the eye?  
“That’s alright. Need a drink? Just hearing your voice is making my mouth dry.”  
Jay nods, and Cole’s already holding a glass of water, like this is something he expected.  
Did Jay always have a dry throat after crying? It was like the guy was prepared for every single one of Jay’s movements.  
Cole knows Jay more than he knows himself at the moment. Jay has to trust that Cole knows what to do.  
“What are you doing?” Jay chokes on his water as he turns around to look at Cole.  
“... Changing?” Cole raises a brow, before noticing Jay’s wide eyed gaze on his chest. “Oh! Shit, sorry. I’ll go into the bathroom.”  
“Yeah, uh, you do that.”  
Cole’s upper body was toned as hell. A wide, brawny chest, a tight stomach.  
Jay was marrying that??  
How the fuck did he score such a hottie?  
Almost ashamed of his leaner build, Jay quickly shoved his pyjamas on, and the feeling of soft cotton against his skin throws him into another memory, just as cloudy as all the others he’d regained.  
He was nestled into Cole’s chest, and they were talking about something, Jay couldn’t quite remember what, but Cole was caressing his cheek.  
The echo of the past had Jay slightly flushed. He wanted to be in Cole’s arms right now, and that was so confusing, because it was basically yesterday that they were arguing over who gets to date Nya.  
“You alright?”  
With a blush, Jay buried his face in Cole’s shoulder.  
Cole’s arms wrapped around him, and it was all so weird.  
“I don’t understand why I need you.” Jay mumbled.  
Cole runs his fingers through Jay’s hair. “It’s alright. Everything will click soon. You’ve got your first appointment on Friday. We’ve got cake tomorrow. It’ll all fall into place.”  
“I hope so.”  
Cole rocked him from side to side. “I love you. You don’t have to say it back.”  
Jay didn’t reply, but his grip around Cole tightened just that little bit harder.

He couldn’t sleep.  
Cole snored too loud, for one thing, and also the bed felt weird.  
Not bad. Just weird.  
Another familiar and distant sensation. It was jumbling his head, and honestly, how was anyone supposed to sleep knowing they’ve lost two years worth of memories?  
So instead, Jay looks at Cole, who’s being so terribly vocal, that it’s kind of adorable underneath all the annoyance.  
Cole has a pretty face. There’s a bit of light coming through the window from a street lamp, and it’s illuminating his face.  
A nice nose. Handsome chin. And when his eyes were open, they ruminate nothing but care and affection.  
Somehow, Jay has managed to hook such an attractive person, and that’s mind blowing.  
Slowly, Jay reaches out and strokes Cole’s cheek, just like he remembers the other doing.  
Terribly, it makes the man jumpstart awake, lurching upwards, Jay’s hand flapping and accidentally smacking him in the jaw.  
“Huh? Ow...” Cole rubbed the wounded area. “Babe?”  
“Hello. Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”  
“S’kay.” Cole lies back down, opening up his arms. “Come cuddle.”  
Jay hesitates.  
“Baby!” Cole whines, stretching his arms out further.  
“Cole, I’m - I’m not your Jay. Not yet.”  
In his sleep addled state, Cole seems to have forgotten his amnesia.  
The reminder has Cole paused, slumping his arms back to his sides.  
“Oh yeah. Sorry.”  
“It’s alright. I’m sorry.”  
“Nothin’ to apologise for.” Cole yawns, nestling his head in his pillow.  
“I can’t sleep.”  
Cole makes a noise that Jay doesn’t quite understand, but he waves his hands out.  
“Massage?”  
“Huh? What? Why would you - that’s -”  
“Usually helps you fall asleep.”  
“Oh.” Jay’s insides twist at the notion of Cole’s hands over his body. “You know best.”  
Cole sits up, a gentle hand rolling Jay onto his side. Slowly, he kneads into Jay’s muscles and holy shit it feels so good.  
Jay can feel himself grow wearier by the second, every one of Cole’s touches like magic.  
“Good?”  
“Very.” Jay’s body is relaxing, easing him into a sleep, but there’s something he wants to do first. “You can stop now.”  
Jay turns back over, and looks at Cole.  
“Feeling sleepy?”  
“Mhm. Just gotta do one lil thing first.”  
“Which is...?”  
Jay beckons Cole closer, and the other guy leans in.  
Jay pecks him lightly on the lips.


	3. Chapter 3

Cake tasting was so much more boring than it sounded.  
A spoonful of some sponge that tasted just like all the other varieties but was somehow different and then another and another and another until mind numbing boredom.  
The baker momentarily leaves to fetch the next round of cakes, and Jay glances at Cole.  
Cole winks at him.  
Good. At least Cole’s happy.  
Jay looks down at his engagement ring, a shiny silver, a diamond embedded within. It must’ve cost a small fortune.  
Every time he glanced at he ring, Jay was filled with a lingering, overwhelming sappiness, and he could very nearly touch the tip of a memory, but he can’t quite reach.  
“Plain chocolate, with buttercream, and strawberry, with fondant.”  
The baker placed a slice of the next two cakes in front of the couple.  
Cole dug in first, with an appreciative “mm!” just like he had with all the other cakes.  
Jay was more critical in his approach. With or without memories, he wanted his wedding perfect, he knew that much.  
And sure, being with Cole alone was perfect, yadda yadda, but it was the one day he was allowed to be extravagant with his wants.  
The strawberry was fine, but the second he bit into what was probably the millionth chocolate cake of the day, he knew it was the one.  
It threw him back, back in time, and there had never been a flashback so clear.

“May I?”  
Jay had looked at Cole, who had chocolate ice cream smudged around his lips.  
It was infuriating. And Jay was going to get it removed no matter what.  
“Huh?” Cole had asked through another mouthful of the stuff.  
“Just, c’mere.” Jay had beckoned Cole forward with a finger, before leaning in to press kisses all over.  
Cole had rolled his eyes, before catching Jay’s lips with his own, and then their tongues were entwined, and ice cream had never tasted better.

It was a short memory. But the sharpest one he had. It made Jay’s insides fizz, the ecstasy of such a passionate kiss being replayed over and over in his mind.  
How did you even get cake to taste like ice cream?  
“This is the one.”  
Cole raised a brow. “Yeah?”  
“Yeah. It’s the one. This is our wedding cake.”  
The baker clapped their hands excitedly, and rushes to finalise the order.  
Jay’s hand worms it’s way into Cole’s, squeezing it tightly.

“I’d like to kiss you.” Jay announces as they walk down the cobblestone street.  
Cole blinks. “Go for it.”  
Jay practically dragged Cole into the little alleyway, before throwing his arms around his neck, and then making out with him.  
Oh yeah. That’s the stuff.  
The taste of Cole’s lips was sending more trembles through him, waves upon waves of lost sensations and fragments of events.  
Senses seemed to be the key to unlocking all of this.  
Cole’s hands are trailing little by little down Jay’s hips, before resting on his ass.  
Jay pulls away the second that contact is made.  
“Sorry. No thanks. Not yet. Sorry.”  
“No, no, I’m sorry! That was my bad.” Cole was red. “Uh, you’re still amazing at kissing. If that’s any consolation.”  
“Thank you. Maybe it’s all the practice.”  
“Who else you been kissing?” Cole mocked jealousy.  
“Mm... wouldn’t you like to know Mr Hence.”  
The playful flirting was so natural, and so exhilarating.  
“Well, Walker.” Cole threw an arm around Jay’s shoulder. “I think maybe we should work on your technique some more. Scheduled practice maybe?”  
“My kissing not good enough for you?”  
“Could use soooo much work. Guess I’ll have to be the one to teach you. A travesty really.”  
“I’ll be in great hands then.”  
Cole kissed his temple, before shifting to link with Jay arm in arm.  
They were silent for a moment, Jay focusing on the intricate pebble path, and the fuzzy feelings inside, being so close to Cole.  
“I think it’s my senses.”  
“Huh?”  
“They’re helping with memories. Eating that cake, I - remember the sundae? When you got ice cream all over your face so I used my excellent skills to get rid of it?”  
Cole chuckles. A comforting sound. “Of course. How could I forget? That why you chose the cake?”  
“That’s why I chose the cake. But, uh, I want you to show me things. From our life together. Places, food, objects... I wanna see it. I think it will help things along.”  
“Sounds good to me. And it’s a cute little lead up to our wedding, recounting all our past experiences.”  
“Cole. I need the bad stuff too.”  
The earth ninja stiffened. “Right. Yeah. Of course. I just don’t like thinking about the bad stuff.”  
“I know. But it’s important. It’s still part of whatever made us, us.”  
“You know we have lives outside of each other?”  
Jay nods. “But this is what’s most important to me right now.”  
And Cole smiles.


	4. Chapter 4

“You alright? How’d it go?”  
Cole stood as Jay closed the therapist’s door behind him, setting down the magazine he was flicking through.  
“Yeah, yeah. It was alright.” Jay sniffs, unaware he’d had that many tears in him. “Uh, I’ve been given a few exercises to try out. Sense stimulation and all that stuff.”  
Cole nodded, offering his hand, which Jay took gratefully.  
“Wanna take a drive?”  
“I’d love to.”  
It had been a couple of weeks, Jay slowly regaining awareness of more feelings, more small, insignificant moments.  
It had been awful a few days ago.  
Cole decided that instead of spreading out bad stuff, Jay should deal with it all in one go, which was annoying in itself.  
They’d fought a lot. Petty arguments and spats that were blown out of proportion.  
To his dismay, Jay realised he started most of them.  
Things still weren’t exactly the same as they had been, Jay slightly scared that he would say something and start another fight, despite Cole’s reassurance, because he wasn’t sure how he’d deal with it.  
Right now, he just had to concentrate on recollecting as much as possible.  
On the bright side, he was gaining so much more insight into Cole. Now that they weren’t battling over Nya’s affection, Jay could see that underneath everything, Cole was compassionate, loyal, and also very very handsome.  
It was weird seeing him in this light, appreciating every inch of Cole’s body.  
Jay preferred it. He was definitely way more attracted to Cole than he had ever been to Nya.

“Where are we?”  
“Thought I might try jog another memory.” Cole stopped the car, pulled over by a field of lavender.  
“Bad?”  
“Well, I thought it was very good actually. Ready?”  
Jay loved how Cole would make sure he was okay and prepared before trying to trigger a memory. Cole knew they were emotional, overwhelming at times, and it was lovely to have someone there to provide comfort, to look out for him.  
“I’m ready.”  
Jay steps out the car, and just looking out over the field has his legs slightly wobbly.  
“What’s the memory about?”  
Cole flushes. “Sex.”  
“Oh.” Jay goes bright red. “Why?”  
“This is where we had our first time together.”  
“I meant, why do you want me to remember that?”  
Cole frowns at the accusatory tone. “It was the first thing I could think of.” A pause. “And I miss you.”  
“I’m here.” Jay said coldly.  
“Yeah I know. I just, um, it’s different. It’s weird. Knowing that you don’t remember that experience. So, yeah, I guess you could I’m asking you to remember this for me.”  
Jay hesitates. Is he really, well and truly ready to remember what it was like?  
“Okay.” Wait. “Here??”  
Cole snorts. “Yeah. I know. It was crazy.” He sat down, patting the area of grassy landscape next to him.  
Jay knelt down, inhaling wafting lavender, hands twisting themselves around long grass.  
He closes his eyes, concentrating on the scent, the feeling of grass.  
Something was coming to him, vague and fuzzy.  
This wasn’t enough.  
“Kiss me?” Jay asked.  
They’d snogged a few times in different locations, Jay somehow knowing that it was bring back something, but it stayed there.  
The most they did at the apartment - at home - was small, shy pecks. Jay didn’t know how he felt about a make out session for no reason other than to kiss.  
Jay feels Cole’s hand cup his chin, and their faces are closer together, and then their lips are entwined, and it’s all coming together now.  
Heavy breathing during a starlit night. Jay sprawled on his back, fingers digging into the ground as Cole’s mouth practically worships him. It’s long, and doesn’t reach its proper conclusion, instead being interrupted by an angry dog walker.  
Jay starts laughing, pushing Cole away.  
“Huh?”  
“We were stopped by a fucking dog walker?”  
Cole smiles. “Yup. It’s your fault. We were perfectly hidden until you started being loud.”  
“Shut up! I’m very quiet.”  
“Sure you are.”  
Jay wants to remember exactly how it feels, getting fucked by Cole Hence.  
Oh god. Was it going to happen? Was he actually prepared for that?  
Maybe when they get home, he’ll have had enough time to think about it.

Jay had gone to bed, settling pretty firmly on ‘no, not yet’, with Cole none the wiser on his internal deliberation.  
His sleep had involved a dream, more snippets from a past he’s slowly putting together, the last one jolting him awake.

Cole had never mentioned getting injured.

The panic from the dream turned nightmare startled Jay awake, turning in the bed to look at Cole, lovely Cole, except he wasn’t there and oh god, where was he?? Was Cole safe? Was Cole okay?  
Heart thumping wildly, Jay sits up, peering to see a light still on in the lounge.  
Staggering out of bed, Jay throws the door open, unable to keep the worried “babe?” from leaving his mouth.  
Cole jumps, startled.  
“Jay! Thought you’d gone to sleep?”  
“Cole, Cole, fuck, you were bleeding and - I thought you were dead, you’re so stupid, why would you do that? Why would you attack him, he had a gun, Cole, you could’ve fucking died, I don’t-” Jay dissolved into sobs. A familiar occurrence at this point.  
“Ah. I forgot about that.” Cole stands, arms wrapping tightly around Jay. “I know. It was stupid. Very stupid. But I’m okay. I’m alive. Just left a nasty scar, that’s all. Shh. It’s alright.”  
Jay buries his face in Cole’s nape, quivering in his strong arms. It felt so raw, so recent.  
“How long ago did it...?”  
“Uh, year and a bit? Hey, hey. Shh. It’s okay.”  
They stayed entwined like that for ages.  
“You feel like this, don’t you?” Jay mumbled.  
“I don’t - what?”  
“You probably feel like garbage. I would. If it was the other way around.”  
Cole is quiet for a long minute. “It’s - that’s not important. What’s important is making sure your therapy’s going okay, making sure you can still function, making sure you understand everything’s that’s gone on.”  
“But what about you?”  
“I get to remember with you. It’s like falling in love all over again.”  
“But it must be shit.”  
“Sometimes. Yeah, it’s kind of painful knowing you can’t remember everything we’ve been through together. But it’s only temporary.”  
“Only temporary.” Jay repeated.

“You sure you’re alright to come back to training?” Kai asks, arms folded.  
“Yes! I’m itching for it. Honestly, I’ve missed going through the motions.” Ever stubborn, Jay is certain he needs this.  
Just in case Cole’s in danger of getting hurt.  
“Well, we’ve missed you bud!” Lloyd slaps him on the back, before looking around. “No Cole?”  
“He’s picking up some food for dinner tonight. Yknow, he’s a really good cook now?”  
“I know, it’s insane.” Nya says. “Who knew, all he needed was lessons from a professional chef.”  
“How are you guys? As a couple?” Kai is promptly slapped by Lloyd.  
“Dude! You can’t just - sorry Jay. That’s not our business, don’t worry.”  
“No, it’s fine. We’re uh, okay, I think. He’s been really sweet.”  
“Had reunion sex yet?”  
“Kai! That’s nothing to do with us!” Lloyd yelped.  
“What? I’m just asking!” Kai threw his hands up in defence.  
Jay flushed. “No. We haven’t.”  
“Why?” Zane spoke up. “The hormone rush could have incredible effect on your recovery.”  
“I don’t think that’s true.” Jay folded his arms.   
“There are several studies on it.”  
“Could we just do some exercise? Please?”

Jay, admittedly, got his ass kicked, which was expected, what with his recent absence from the field.  
Cole joined them halfway through, greeting Jay with a smile, before pummelling Lloyd.  
And then they were on their way back home, Jay nursing a few bruises, and Cole’s knuckles sore.  
“Zane told me sex could help.”  
Cole chokes. “What?”  
“With my memories.”  
“I - okay. Are you ready for that?”  
“Maybe. I think so.”  
“We’re not doing anything until you’re sure.”  
“I know. Thank you.”  
“It’s no problem.” Cole turned the radio on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, important question, how much smut do we want next chapter?


	5. Chapter 5

Jay took one final look at Cole before reaching his decision.  
Okay. Alright. He was gonna do this.  
It had been a whole month since Zane brought it up, and his memories had stagnated in their retrieval, as if to pointedly say “no Jay, you should have some sex.”  
Cole was sipping on some coffee, flipping through pages of the fifty-second print of Geology Today, a magazine subscription that Jay had bought him once upon a time.  
He was lounging on the couch, one leg over the other, his brow furrowed in concentration.  
Jay loved it. Cole was nothing short of attractive.  
Jay weighed his options up. How do you have sex for the first time with someone, except it’s not really the first time?  
Okay. Alright. He’ll rely on his charm.  
“Baby?”  
Cole looks up with a squint. “What?”  
“Baby, babe, honey, sweetheart -”  
“Are you okay?”  
“Yeah. I’m good. Great, actually.” Go on, say the line. “Better, now that I’ve got your attention.”  
Cole tosses the magazine to the side, studying Jay. “What’s gotten into you?”  
He takes a tentative step towards Cole.  
“Nothing. What’s up with you? You’re being weird.”  
“Wh - uh, no? I’m not.”  
Jay takes another step, planning out his route. Cole’s lap is an easy target now.  
“Oh yeah?”  
“You’re the one being weird.” Cole stands. Shit! Now what?  
Step.  
“Jay? Seriously, what’s happening. This isn’t funny.”  
“I’m not tryna be funny!”  
Cole strides over, grasping Jay’s arms. “Jay, what are you doing? You’re acting strange. Is everything alright? You know what you’re saying? Uh, shit, what was the thing I was supposed to do check your cognitive blah blah?”  
“My cognitive function is fine, promise.”  
Jay wriggles his arms out of Cole’s grip. This is not how things are supposed to go.  
He can bring this back though. He’s got moves.  
Quickly, Jay hooks his arms around Cole’s neck, and presses their lips together.  
The sudden movement has Cole stunned, for a moment, before pulling away.  
“Jay? What are you doing? Do I need to call your therapist? How’s your brain? Can you hear me??”  
“Can I hear you? What the fuck kinda question is that Cole?!”  
This has become the opposite of a sexy situation.  
“You’re kissing me! You don’t do that!”  
“We’ve kissed tons.” Jay folds his arms defensively.  
“Not here. You don’t like kissing here.”  
“Well, I’ve changed my mind. So if we could continue that would be-”  
“You called me baby!”  
“So?”  
“So, that’s weird, and not very you at the moment.”  
“Okay, well, I think you’re overreacting. Now come and give me a kiss.”  
“No. I’m calling your -”  
“You don’t need to call my therapist!”  
“Jay.” Cole’s hand hovered over the phone. “I need you to acknowledge that you’re acting odd. Do that, and I won’t call her.”  
“Fine. I’m acting a little different.”  
Cole withdrew his hand. “Okay. Alright. Sit down for me?”  
Jay did so, surveying Cole’s face. He was etched with worry, concern, and that sent an awful pang through him.  
“Sorry. I didn’t realise - didn’t know that it would worry you.”  
Cole paced. “Are you sure you’re okay? What’s the year? That’s a question I should ask.”  
“2022.” Jay was very sick of the question at his point. “I’m fine. I just - come here?”  
Cole flopped onto the couch. “You scared me.”  
“Sorry. I just - I don’t know how I’m supposed to ask for sex.”  
Cole blinked. “What?”  
“My memories are real stale. And Zane said last month...”  
“Oh.”  
“Yeah.”  
An uneasy silence.  
“You could’ve just, I dunno, asked?”  
“I wanted to be sexy.”  
“That was your attempt at being sexy?” Cole snorted. “I love you.”  
“Please Cole.” Jay squeezed his hand. “So that I can confidently say I love you too.”  
And Cole nods, leaning in to kiss him.

“I’m a lesbian.” Nya announced, and Jay nodded slowly. Thank god. That makes everything so much easier.  
“Cool. Whoever you end up with is gonna be a lucky girl.”  
Nya smiled at him, before being swept up in chatter.  
Jay follows Cole outside, the earth ninja’s shoulders tense. He’s slumped against the gate, before turning to look at Jay.  
“H-”  
Jay grasps his hand, hoping to communicate everything with a tight squeeze. It worked.  
Cole swept Jay into his arms and they kissed, only pulling apart when Kai wolf whistled at them.

Cole lifts Jay up and the lightning master straddles him, as the brawnier man stumbles to their room.  
“Are you sure about this?” Cole mutters.  
“Mhm.”  
Cole places his lips to Jay again, falling onto their bed, and Jay is tugging at Cole’s waistband.

Dates fly through Jay’s mind, restaurants, cafes, parks, beaches.  
All of it is so vivid, so strong, and god, they should've done this weeks ago.

He’s more desperate now, gripping Cole’s back, desperate to have cock in him again, desperate to feel Cole thrust and desperate to writhe against his fiancé, he needs it.

Memories tumble through him, and he’s crying, he’s laughing, there’s so much going on, and oh my god, Jay’s so lucky.  
He moans as Cole stretches him out, grunting when his dick is inside his asshole, and he’s never felt so alive, so ecstatic.  
Cole’s wiping the tears away, muttering reassurances and affections between each movement.

Cole proposed on a cliff overseeing a nice valley.  
Jay had known what was happening the second Cole cleared his throat, looking at the stars, and the excitement, the thrill, the overwhelming amount of love pouring through him was unmatched by anything he’d ever felt. The loud “yes!” at the end of Cole’s short speech. The relief in his lover’s face. It was perfect, and messy, and so unapologetically them.

Jay was reliving every second from the past two years, and it was incredible. How could he have forgotten? How could he have forgotten Cole’s kisses, Cole’s embraces, Cole’s assurances after a long, hard day.  
How could he forget such an important area of his life?  
“I love you. I love you, I love you.” Jay can’t stop saying it, can’t stop the rush every time it slips off his tongue, can’t stop the joy every time Cole says it back, and it’s working, oh thank god it’s working, and really, how could he ever have thought he was straight?

Cole finishes in him, and Jay wants to keep him there, just for the minute, wants to stay connected on both a physical and emotional level.  
He can’t stop crying.  
“Shh. It’s alright. I’ve got you.” Cole repeats his whispers over and over in Jay’s ear, kissing his cheek.  
“I forgot you. I forgot us.” And it hurts to say, hurts to acknowledge, and he’s shaking so hard.  
“I know. I know, it’s alright, it’s okay babe, I’m here.”  
Cole kisses him over and over, and Jay doesn’t let go of him, doesn’t want to ever leave Cole’s arms.  
“I’m so sorry.” He chokes out. “I’m sorry. I didn’t - I shouldn’t have -”  
“You saved someone’s life Jay. That deserves an award.”  
Jay sniffs, burying his face in Cole’s nape.  
“I love you. I love you, I love you, so so much.”  
“I love you too. More than you could ever know.”  
And with that, Jay’s finally whole again.


End file.
